I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
