Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
