my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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