I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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