You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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