Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
