i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
