When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
