i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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