you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
