I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
