she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i out mim tonsoeep
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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