can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
