So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
