then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
