NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
