Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
