I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
