Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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