I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Found your dick twin last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
