it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize