Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
