i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
