He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
