FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
