yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
