I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I skipped work to stalk him.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
