My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
