enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
