Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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