FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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