I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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