O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
