So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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