Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
worst night to have a conscience
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
