I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
