community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
