He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
