i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
