i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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