Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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