I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
