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I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize