Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
