i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
