We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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