Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
