if you like me you must not know who I am
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
