She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
