i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
