I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
