I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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