It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
