Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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