we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
