I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
pray to the hookup gods
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
