I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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