Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
