let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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