I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
