You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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