I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
